Life Goes On
by Erich Zann III
Summary: Part of 'Her Final Epitaph'. Ageha just got KIA, and Sakurako is pretty broken up about it. Will she be able to rescue herself from the pits of despair, or will Abyss swallow her whole? No lemon. M for other reasons. Contest the rating if you like.


A/N: Hi, all. This is my second Psyren fanfic. Don't therefore judge too harshly. It's a more detailed description of part of my last Psyren fanfic, and happens right after Ageha dies. I know, dark, right? Ah, well. I seem to be doing my fair share of dark fics lately.

"Mrs. Yoshina?" The officer asked. I nodded and looked at the two uniformed men. The ranking officer among them bowed politely to me, and apologized.

"I'm sorry that I have to be the one to tell you this. However, Ageha Yoshina was killed in action today." Hearing this, I didn't know what to say. My heart stopped… For a second? A moment? A minute? Ten? It felt like I was suffocating all of a sudden. My hand went up to my chest, and suddenly, I felt lightheaded. Apparently, it showed, too, because the officer who had just told me the news moved more swiftly than any normal human could, prepared to catch me if I fell.

"P-perhaps you should sit down, Mrs. Yoshina…"

"C-c-call me Sakurako… Y-you were Ageha's c-coworkers, right?" I asked breathlessly, my chest heaving in and out. Although I was sweating profusely, my eyes were dry. Maybe I just hadn't fully absorbed it at the time, but his death came as such a shock. My immediate response had been abject denial. He was so strong. Even Amagi Miroku hadn't had the power to kill him. Twice, that madman had tried, and twice he had failed. How could Ageha lose to anyone else?

"Yes, ma'am. We were on the case with him. We were… somewhat close…" The man said uncomfortably.

"P-please… Come in… T-tell me how he died…"

The lead officer looked at the other two, shifting uncomfortably.

"A-are you sure you want to know, ma'am. Some people are happier remaining ignorant."

"No. I have to know… Miroku, Nana… Go to bed…" I said sternly. It was only 6:00 in the evening. I don't remember why I thought it was time for bed. Maybe it was because it was starting to get dark earlier and earlier out.

"Well… He… He was in a fight, and some neighborhood kids got in the way. There wasn't anything we could do. But Yoshina-san has always been a lot faster and stronger than any of us ever were. H-he didn't even think. He just… Jumped in front of the kids. Nobody, even a world class psionicist like Yoshina-san can survive automatic gunfire to the chest…"

It sounded like something Yoshina would do. But he had _promised_ me this morning that he would be home for dinner. "I love you, sweetheart. I promise I'll be home in time to eat with you and the kids."

"Mommy?" Nana asked, peeking out from behind the wall. I looked over at her in shock. I thought she had gone to bed.

"When is Daddy coming home?"

"Thank you for telling me. I'll be fine from here…" I said, dismissing the officers, who bowed again and walked out in a straight line. They were so well organized.

"Honey… D-Daddy… D-Daddy isn't c-coming home…" I said, half to confirm it for myself. Finally, the tears were coming. The initial shock was wearing off, and as Miroku came out and looked at me with those eyes, those same crystal clear eyes that Ageha-kun had. His eyes were the same color as mine, but the same shape as his. He was so like his father in every aspect. He was only fourteen, but Ageha shone through everything that he did. He idolized his father. And there was a lot to admire.

"D-does he not love us anymore!" Nana asked, tears flooding her eyes as well. She looked more like me… Her pale blue hair, extremely fair skin, and extremely small frame. She was very sensitive and sweet, too.

"O-of course n…ot, honey. H-he loves you v-very much. He… He died, though. H-he _can't_ come back anymore…"

"D-Daddy died! Why! How! Daddy is invincible! Nobody can kill him! He's like Superman!" Nana cried, tears flowing down her cheeks, now. I stopped crying at this. It was cute how naïve she was. But then, I guess I was just as naïve. Every day, I said goodbye to him on the implicit understanding that he would return again to say "I love you" at least one more time. I believed him to be almighty, untouchable. What a fool I was… What a fool I still am. Maybe I really had signed his death contract when I begged him to save me. He didn't die immediately, but his psionic powers were the cause of his death. That made it my fault. Suddenly, I felt violently ill.

"Mirok…u… T-take care… of Na…" I couldn't say anymore. I ran over to the trashcan, slipping on my socks, and crashing into the sink, ending up vomiting on the floor, and falling in it. So humiliating. I was having the worst night of my life, and I top it all off by swimming in a pool of my own vomit in front of my children. I felt angry, miserable, humiliated tears stinging my eyes. It wasn't fair. How could he leave me behind like that? I saw my kids running over to me to see if I was alright. But I couldn't hear a word they said. Miroku was always the boldest of the two of them. He seemed to pay no mind to the fact that I was covered in sick. He took my hand gently. His hand felt just like Ageha's, and pulled me up, helping me to the bathroom and saying that he would clean up for me. In my shock, I couldn't even argue. I shut the door and turned on the faucet, discarding my clothes on the floor and standing under the shower for I don't know how long. It could have been a minute. It could have been an hour. But when I walked back out, finally clean again, I saw that Miroku and Nana had taken it upon themselves to call Matsuri-sensei… She looked up at me and smiled sadly.

"Miro-kun told me what happened. Man… I've got Kagetora here. He can take care of the kids for a while. Let's go out…" She said. That was her solution for everything. But perhaps it was what I needed at the moment. I didn't learn until later that it was the worst thing possible for me. At the bar, she ordered for both of us, as I had never had a drop of liquor in my life. I downed the drink in one go and ordered another. She didn't stop me… I talked the night away, although I hardly remember what I said… Only that my speech became less and less cohesive, and Matsuri-sensei looked at me with that worried look that she sometimes gave me, and the next thing I remember is waking up stomach down on Matsuri-sensei's couch.

"Hi, Sakurako-chan… Here, put this on your forehead…" She whispered to me. I groaned. Even her whispering sounded like thunder in my ears. I gagged and ran over to the trashcan and threw up again.

"W-whatime's it?" I asked groggily. Apparently, I was still a bit drunk.

"Noon."

"WHAT!" I shrieked, causing my head a splitting, white hot pain in the process. "I have to get to work! Why didn't you wake me up! Goddamnit! What the fuck ha…" For some reason, all that senseless cursing reminded me. Oh yeah. Ageha was dead. And I broke down into hysterical sobbing again. But having been able to forget all that, even for a few hours had been glorious… I had never felt so free of all my worries as I had when I was drunk.

"Sakurako… You can't go to work like that…"

"No, no, no! You don't understand! I may be the Chief Scientist's daughter-in-law… B-but if I start slacking, I'll make him look bad! I won't let his reputation be ruined because of me!"

"Don't… worry… I already called Asuka and explained the situation. He understands. He said that you've accumulated months of vacation time by now, and can take off as much time as you need."

"I-I don't believe you…"

"These were his exact words. 'My son is an even bigger idiot than I thought, leaving behind a beautiful wife and children like that. But… He died the way he lived… A hero.'"

"R-really? H-he said that?" Sakurako asked tearfully.

"Pianist's honor. Now take a capful of this. It tastes awful, but it'll cure hangovers in no time."

"Matsuri-sensei?" Sakurako asked quietly, downing the capful of bitter liquid in one gulp and shuddering.

"Yes, Sakurako?"

"D-do you think this is my fault? Was I not a good enough wife? Not a good enough mother? Did I do something wrong?"

"Don't even think like that, Sakurako…"

Suddenly, though, my mind tuned out the rest of the world, and once again, I was kneeling before Abyss's throne. She sneered at me. This time, there was no amusement in her gaze. She only looked disgusted with me.

"If it had been me, I would have gotten a job with Ageha-kun. That way, we could win together, or die together. He was thinking about you in his final moments, no doubt… Wishing he could be there to kiss you and say 'I love you' one last time." She said contemptuously to me. My whole body began to tremble, tears flooding my eyes for what seemed like the millionth time.

"That's right, Sakurako. Cry… Cry like the pathetic little worm that you are. It's all you're good at, isn't it? Crying and waiting for Ageha-kun to save you? Just like that day in high school."

"Shut up! That's not true! I love him! He loved me!"

"Of course he loved you, you moron! Your incessant need for him to be there for you stroked his ego! That's the problem with you fucking humans! You're so taken in by your own twisted perception of your place in the world that you fail to see what's right in front of your fucking face! Do you know why I love killing people so much, Sakurako?"

"Because I was weak. Because I wished deep down that humanity _would_ die. I had given up hope…"

"Ahaha!" She laughed cruelly at me, her peals of ice cold laughter ringing throughout the empty, destroyed audience chamber.

"Don't flatter yourself, you insignificant whore! You think _you're_ the real you! I was always the more powerful of the two of us… And do you know why? It wasn't because of psionic might. In that regard, you would win out, if only by a small margin. No. It's because as long as I still exist, _you_ will never be completely yourself. I _am_ you. Ahaha… I see I've given you a lot to think about. By the way, you'll never get over Ageha-kun's death if you keep that older brat of yours around…"

"W-wha! B-b-but I could never…"

"I know… And that is why you are weak…"

Suddenly, I could hear Matsuri talking again. I couldn't remember what she had been talking about. I just knew that I couldn't be there. I grabbed my shoes and ran to the door. Without a word, I left, and trudged to the nearest liquor store. Did I have my wallet? Yeah. Those few hours of blissful solitude had been wonderful. Even if the aftereffect was so awful. I had no idea what I was buying. Only that I could afford it, and I wanted it. The clerk was hesitant to sell me so much alcohol. Fortunately, even at the age of 35, I still seemed to have a girlish charm that allowed me to flirt my way into the sale. I kind of hope I didn't end up getting that poor boy in trouble. Oh well… Not my problem.

The next thing I seriously remember is waking up again on my bed. I didn't have any food in my stomach to throw up, but I felt awful. Some mindless nitwit was yelling my name… No… It was a boy, and he was yelling 'Mom! Mom!' After a moment, Miroku tore into the room and grinned at me, showing me a piece of paper that I couldn't quite read. My vision was still blurry.

"Ssorry sweetie… Could you tell Mommy what that is?" I droned, groaning at the same time. My eyes just couldn't focus. What day was it? What time was it? Did Miroku just get home from school?

"It's my midterm, duh! I got an A+!" Miroku continued, seemingly oblivious at the moment to my conundrum.

"O-of course… That's wonderful…" I said, though I knew that I couldn't care less. I was drunk off my gourd and I just wanted to go back to sleep.

"What time is it, baby?" I asked, breathing heavily to stay upright.

"1800h…" Miroku replied quickly.

So that was what woke me up? The beeping of the clock? Oh yeah. The damn thing was still going off. I slammed my hand on the table, missing it. So I punched it again, destroying the clock in the process.

"So, what do you and Nana want for dinner, sweetheart?" I asked drowsily, walking into the bathroom adjoining my bedroom and running my head under some cold water to wake myself up. It worked to a degree. At least I could see straight, now, even if I couldn't think straight.

"Don't worry, Mom. I'll just make something for all of us…"

"No, don't be silly… I couldn't make you cook for me…" I said. It was probably foolish of me. But I stood and walked out to the kitchen, and put a pot on the stove, filled it with water, and dumped some pasta in it. It was about all I could handle. I got some marinara sauce out of the pantry and put that on as well.

My mind was beginning to clear up slightly. I looked at my phone. It had been a week and a half since Ageha's death was reported to me. In that time, I had been to the wake, the funeral, received people's condolences… Even my own parents came… Imagine that. I think my mother was happy to see me, and maybe my father had only come because it was proper, because he seemed neither happy nor disappointed. He merely bowed politely at the door and offered brief condolences before leaving. My mother hugged me and apologized for not being there for me. She asked if there was anything she could do to help. I told her there wasn't. It wasn't that I was angry at her. It was just… I didn't know what to say to someone who had walked out like that.

But that time passed in a partially alcohol induced blur. Now, I had no idea what I was doing. Only that life had ceased to have any meaning. Food had no taste, flowers had no scent to them, Matsuri-sensei's music did nothing for me. Was suicide the best option? I looked over at the medicine cabinet. There were plenty of pills in there. Surely it wouldn't take long to swallow most of them and die the way I had lived… Pathetically. Abyss was right. I was pathetic. Maybe it was time to end it all. But who would raise the kids? Would it be my father in law?" I reached over to the cabinet and took a swig of alcohol. No use being sober now, right? I drank as much as I could in one drink. Already, the inebriating effects of hard liquor were taking their toll. The world was slipping out of focus. How long had passed since I put the pasta on the stove? Colors began to blur… The medication. I pulled the bottles pell mell out of the cabinet and opened them as best I could with my clumsy hands. Then, before I realized it…

"Mommy?"

I lashed out madly at her, hitting my beloved daughter across the face. Normally that would have been unthinkable for me. But that day, nothing was taboo. Nana cried out in pain and fear as I advanced insanely on her. Pills scattered all over the floor, and the alcohol bottle shattered on the tiles, spraying glass and liquor everywhere. My hair was a filthy, matted, mess, my eyes were bloodshot, my face was completely drained of color… I must have looked terrifying to poor little Nana, who was sobbing in hysterics at the moment that Miroku ran in and stopped me.

I don't know how hard he hit me… But I'm glad he did. I knew that I had been about to kill Nana. I couldn't believe what a bloody, pathetic coward I had been. Running away from my problems with booze. Ageha… Do you hate me, now? You must. You were always the brave one. I envied, and still do envy, your courage and strength of character. I was always your weakest link, the one who dragged you down. Maybe with your death, I can learn to be strong for myself, rather than expecting you to be the strong one for me.

The next thing I remember is Miroku standing over me, glaring down at me. I knew I had done something horrible. I just could barely remember anything. The kitchen was cleaned up. The pills, alcohol, pasta, and other debris was all gone.

"Miroku-kun…" I groaned, sitting up. It must have been a strong hit to knock me out like that. I was hung over, but not drunk anymore. "W-what happened? What time is it? How long have I been here?"

"I tried to knock some sense into you. Dad always taught me never to hit women… But he also taught me to protect the ones you love… Are you feeling better, now?" He asked. His cold demeanor changed to concern for me too quickly for my taste. I didn't deserve his concern.

"Physically, I'm fine… I think I've gone mad, though. Where's Nana-chan?"

"She's still hiding from you. You terrified her last night. You scared me, too. Those pills. You were about to kill yourself, weren't you?" He asked, his eyes filling with tears. I nodded stupidly.

"Mom, I may be able to take care of myself, but Nana can't yet. You aren't allowed to die yet. Nana-chan, you can come in, now. Mom seems to be sane again."

"M-Mommy?" Nana asked weakly, shuffling over to me. Maybe it was this that made me decide that I had to take control of my own life. Seeing my own daughter terrified of the sight of me broke my heart. It seemed that my children had forgiven me my weakness… But I wasn't ready to just yet. I held Nana and Miroku tightly to me for hours. Neither of them said anything, and I didn't say anything to them. For the first time since I found out that Ageha-kun had died, I was just happy to be alive, and nothing else mattered. I knew that I could finally become the strong person that I wanted to be, the type of strong person you would be proud to call your wife, Ageha-kun.

**The End**

A/N: This takes place during the life that Sakurako mentioned during 'Her Final Epitaph'. I tried to do a good job. Please tell me honestly if I didn't. Honest criticism is appreciated. Flames are not.


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